The Hairy Coo

I found The Hairy Coo by accident. I was looking for a walking tour of Edinburgh, and since I was going to Loch Lomond I wasn't really interested in Highlands tours. But after reading a few of the reviews on TripAdvisor, I signed up.

They bill themselves as "alternative Scottish tours" - a one-day tour of the Highlands out of Edinburgh in an orange minivan, free except for whatever you feel like tipping the guide. Honestly the minute I saw the picture of the Highland cattle on the site (the "hairy coos"), I was sold. Who can resist cows with hair like Donald Trump?

The tour is great fun. Russell told us stories of Mary Queen of Scots, explained why William Wallace was nothing like Mel Gibson would have you believe and Robert the Bruce was the greatest Scotsman who ever lived, and played music from Scottish bands while we drove through the mostly gray but stunningly beautiful countryside.

And when he thought we were ready for some bagpipe music, he played a bagpipe version of Smoke on the Water, which was actually kind of -- good. I now think all great metal songs should be redone in bagpipe versions.

This too

V. Good defence lawyers.

Just in case Bridget Jones needed a lawyer who's not just good, but v. good. Although I can't say that the purple color scheme would inspire my confidence.

This cracked me up

I wonder if there's some filthy Scottish pun I'm missing here, because otherwise I can't understand why you would name a strip club after a pair of legendary grave robbers/murderers. Unless it's that grave robbers were called resurrectionists and they're selling a different kind of resurrection?

Autonomous

I noticed these buildings near Holyrood House and Salisbury Crags because they seemed so out of place, like middle-class condos or strip-mall medical buildings next to the royal residence and the ancient hills.

Silly me. This is actually part of the new Scottish Parliament complex, opened in 2004. It's certainly distinctive, but I'm not sure it looks Scottish or parliamentary, or as though it belongs in its location. Those black and brown shapes over the windows supposedly represent open curtains, indicating that government should be transparent, and that kind of literal representation makes me shudder.

But photos I've seen of the inside make me curious to give it a better look and I'm sorry I didn't have time for a tour.

Salisbury crags

Edinburgh is an ideal destination for a mountain goat or a geologist. It's full of things to climb -- the Castle, of course, and then Calton Hill on the east side with its one-walled Parthenon, and on the south side, Salisbury Crags and Arthur's Seat.

Even if you're not inclined to climb, you still can't help being aware of geology in the central city. On the street between my hotel and the Royal Mile, the Castle looms overhead on one side, while on the other you look down on the Old Town.

Gully cleaning

Good thing I was warned in advance.

Georgie Boy

This statue of George IV in the New Town commemorates his visit to Scotland in 1822.

The wearing of the kilt wasn't done much anymore (and in fact had been banned for a while post-Jacobite rebellion) but news that the King planned to wear one on his visit sent all the Edinburghers scrambling to have their own kilts made.

The King's kilt was unfortunately more like a miniskirt, so to keep the crown jewels out of view he had to don a pair of tights. Which were pink.

The statue includes the tights, but mercifully, not their color, and George ends up looking far more dashing than he ever did in life.

Chimneys plus

There is some fierce architecture in Edinburgh. Some of these buildings have so much going on you barely have time to notice the chimneys.

Chim chiminee

Edinburgh's nickname used to be Auld Reekie (whether reek just means smoke or whether the name also referred to the fragrance of the sewers depends on who you ask -- I've heard multiple versions.)

Either way, houses used to have a coal fire in every room, so every house has multiple chimneys, and the rows upon rows of chimneys in the sky is one of the city's most distinctive and beautiful features.

Nor Loch

Most of Princes Street Gardens is set in a large basin, way below street level. The castle towers over it, of course, but so do the spires of the Old Town on the south side, and the more commercial buildings of Princes Street on the north. It makes the park feel secluded, even when the trains are rattling past on their way to Waverley Station.

It was once water, Nor Loch, or the North Loch, and it was finally drained in the eighteenth century because although it acted as a kind of moat to protect the castle and the city, it also prevented the city from expanding northwards.

One of its chief uses apart from protection had been as a dunking pool for suspected witches, and when it was drained they found the skeletons of many women with their hands tied. At least by drowning they proved their innocence, which I'm sure was great consolation to them in their final moments.

Back to the really important things

Like food.

This squirrel followed me around the churchyard begging for a treat so I finally gave him a piece of a protein bar.

He was so grateful he hopped up on the bench and sat next to me while he ate.

Notice those formidable claws.

Momento mori

In the eighteenth century did you really have to be reminded that you were going to die? It seems as though managing to occasionally forget it would be a more difficult task.