I am a native in this world And think in it as a native thinks

Saturday, September 25, 2010


This is my beloved friend Laurie Anger, who died suddenly and unexpectedly last week, at a dinner party at her house in Mill Valley in 1994.

This is not a journey I ever wanted or expected to take: navigating a world without her in it. I was only 21 when we met, and so much of who I ended up becoming, I became because of her. She showed me how to push back, live large, be bold. Saying that "she had a lot of personality", or a "real presence", doesn't begin to describe her. Laurie was more like a force of nature: fierce, moody, stubborn, shameless. Downright impossible much of the time. But also loyal, generous, smart and funny, with a huge laugh that bowled over everything in its path.

We've spent the past few decades with a continent between us, but whether we spoke all the time or not very often, it was understood that a spare bed, a shoulder to cry on, and a bottle of good red wine were always available just for the asking.

She almost went on the Baltic cruise with me a few months ago, but changed her mind because she'd been unemployed for a while and didn't think she should spend the money. We promised that we'd do it some other time.

That's not a possibility now, and I'll try to pay back the many debts I owe her by never missing another opportunity if I can help it.

Goodbye, dear friend.

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